It’s been 40 days since I gave birth. My sisters held my legs while I pushed. Contractions were a heavy pressure in my pelvic instead of excruciating pain thanks to an epidural. Niya was ready to be born. After pushing less than 30 mins, she appeared — a beautiful, wrinkle-free baby, head full of hair, mouth stretched wide as she cried. They put her on my chest, skin to skin. It felt like God was right there with me. Heaven, opening.
Motherhood is not what I expected. It is blissful, yes, but I can’t help feeling open, vulnerable and sometimes clueless. The weight is heavy — this responsibility God has given to nurture one of his precious daughters. But it is a beautiful kind of weight. One that keeps me centred on the things that matter most.
As a mother, I am learning not to be afraid of hard things. Like travelling with my newborn to Utah — a 6 hours+ flight — so she could meet her Daddy for the first time. (Thankfully, she slept most of the way, all while stealing the hearts of all who saw her.)
As a mother, I am learning to trust my instincts. People give a ton of advice, most times the unsolicited kind. I listen but trust in what I feel is best for my baby. Most of all, I am learning to recognise and be ever grateful for heavenly help. Some nights when Niya is crying I will suddenly get a feeling of what to do: a thought flashes, I stroke her hair, resist the urge to pick her up… sometimes I put her against my chest just like when she was born. She eventually calms and falls asleep. It’s like angels are whispering in my ears.
I know I am new at being a mother. 40 days is not much. But I feel confident that my Heavenly Father is with me every step of the way. He is the best parent I know. With His help, I will do just fine.
… here are some pics I thought I’d share…